Journal 6: Overcoming Obstacles

During the past week it hasn’t been the most successful in terms of direct progress, I think little has been accomplished this week since I am focusing on making progress in reading my novel Bunheads. While reading this week there was a part in the novel where Jacob, a musician showed Hannah the outside world away from ballet. In this moment it was evident that Hannah’s entire perspective changed once she was free from the constant pressures of dance. This made me relate to a time in my own life when the constant intense rehearsals and competition became overpowering. I was constantly behind in homework and it was difficult to catch up because of the time consumption of dance. Making this instant connection to the novel made me reflect on why I continued to dance even after I realized that I could escape these pressures too. The first example I can think of was when I was 14 years old. It was June which was the busiest month of the year because it was competition season and the end of the school year. The first Friday of the month my teacher decided to give us a project to do over the weekend with the due date being the following Monday. Immediately this caused a dilemma because I was in a dance competition in Rochester all weekend. Hearing this words made my stress levels rise higher than Mount Everest, flooding my head with constant plans to divide my time. That weekend was emotionally and physically draining, making my eyes want to collapse each night. But I had a project to do. On the Saturday night I stayed up until 6am working away in my bed of the hotel room. Being back on stage at 8am in full hair and makeup was a struggle the next morning but I somehow managed to get myself up there. The first number we had to perform was a tap number which was my teachers favourite. Everything started going well until the second chorus of the song I could feel, my head start to spin. I tried with all my efforts to focus on wall in front of me but I couldn't control it. As I attempted to do a toe stand my right foot slipped from under me as a tumbled to the ground, hearing gasps in the audience. At that moment my face turned as red as a tomato as I tried to get up and recover my mistake. After the dance my team came 2nd and I felt guilty that it was all my fault for messing up. However my project needed to be done and I accomplished that so I tried to look at the positive side of things. Yet when I returned to school and received my mark back for the project the following week it was not what I expected either! I was so disappointed I came home and told my parents I needed to stop dancing. It was now not only affecting my school grades but I also let my team down. They constantly tried to reassure me but at this point nothing could change my mind. I felt like a failure. Although my mom did convince me to keep dancing for one more week, finish my recital and if I still felt as strongly about my decision then I didn't have to return the following season. I agreed to this because of the commitment I made and went to my recital. But at soon as I got on stage everything changed. The lights radiated off my skin and filled my whole body with warmth, the music controlled my body and let it run free on the black matte floor. I felt at home. In these short three minutes on stage I let go of all my troubles go and express myself freely. That was when I got to understand why dance was my passion again and reconnect with why I loved it so much. I continued dancing the following year and many years after that. This was a moment in my life where I got first hand experience on the stresses dance can cause and the sacrifices you have to make. However I learned if you truly have a passion for it you can overcome the challenge and manage your life accordingly.

My conclusion came to that the feeling I felt on stage to tell my story through my movements was to extravagant to end it. Even though I was faced with these obstacles in my life, my passion over powered the negatives and I learned how to time manage other things like homework in my life. I am now intrigued to see the outcome of the novel and how Hannah reacts to these challenges.

Therefore even though this week may not have been directly successful in the terms of completing a portion for my project I think I was very successful. When making text to self-connections to the novel I had the ability to explore my dance past. It made me see how strongly I feel toward dance, why it is my passion and why it is the topic I am using for this passion project.